Your Manager Is Not a Messiah — You Need to Take Control

Today’s expectations for managers have become unrealistic — and that is putting it mildly. True, a succession of global crises, starting with the financial crisis in 2008, the Euro crisis and Brexit in 2016, COVID and Ukraine has exposed an army of bad managers. Entire organizations were able for too long to turn a blind eye to incompetent management. They have had a chance to not waste a good crisis but many failed to address what stress tests exposed, culturally and operationally. 
 
Power Shift
So far, so old. Because throughout history organizations (as in countries, religions, etc.) have had bad managers. What’s different now? People lower down the pecking order can mobilize and share information more easily. Add to that systemic changes such as better labor laws and protection and more awareness of workplace psychology, plus a tight labor market and you have more power in the hands of employees. 
 
However, the current debate seems to ignore one thing. If all these crises exposed the weaknesses of the management cast — employees have weaknesses, too, and they have been exposed just as much. Still, it appears the onus is entirely on managers to make work, well, work. It is a truism to say that the leadership needs to clearly communicate what the goal is, why a transformation may be necessary and be transparent about the impact on everyone. What I fear is not discussed enough is how employee behavior can also sabotage an organization’s efforts to adapt. A manager who rides rough shot over his employees’ concerns is just as bad as refuseniks among the employees who oppose change or compromise out of principle. 
 
When People Seek Leadership
According to WorldCat, well over 800,000 books carry the word “leadership” in their title. Starting in the early 1990s, the number of leadership books grew in leaps and bounds. I wonder whether part of this reflects a society in search for someone to provide orientation which in the West had historically been provided by kings and queens, the church or political leaders. Have we become so disenchanted with these former authorities to look for new ones in CEOs or other corporate executives?
 
In my view the increasing intensity of the debate has had one profoundly negative result. By finding, defining and redefining leadership, our focus has been directed to one particular group of people and pitched them against us. What do I mean by that? We look for traits in leaders we never knew they should have. Then we find the one important to us is lacking and conclude, “I have a bad manager, therefore my professional life is miserable.”
 
I guess it is probably not a stretch to say, COVID acted as a catalyst. Now that organizations tend to want to get back normal, i.e. bums on seats in the office, we are ready to criticize managers for regressing into command and control during a crisis. We conveniently forget this is a normal psychological reaction for everyone, including employees.
 
The Difference between Leaders and Employees
At the risk of making myself unpopular, let me state a few truths about managers/leaders. Many of them face:

• Performance pressure
• Some fear their superiors and/or their employees
• Discrimination and injustice (gender pay gap and racism is not limited to the trenches)
• Challenges outside the office, including
• Sick children
• Relationships
• Financial problems
• Unfulfilled dreams

They had the same anxieties and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness during COVID and lockdowns. And sometimes they just don’t want to be there either. 
 
Does any of this sound familiar to regular employees? And yet, how many of us pretend the executive suite is filled with managers who know no fear and are out there to drive their people to death? The reality is more complex as they had to hold their private lives together in addition to their teams and/or organizations. They cannot do that unless their employees play their part.
 
The Leader Who Has It All — Are You Kidding Me?
Now, there is almost a Messianic expectation for leaders to be perfect — for everyone. One symptom is that we are not just talking about leaders anymore. We add what kind of leaders we want. In the process, we have become so granular that there is no way for one person to tick all the boxes. There has been the coaching leader, the listening leader and some who missed the boat the first time around have re-discovered the mental health leader. It almost looks like we project all our needs on our managers. They are supposed to fix our lives (coach), act as parent (listen) and take care of our well-being (health).
 
Obviously, this is exaggerated for most of us. However, following the chatter of the Twitterati (is X-rati now?), I get the distinct impression this is where it is headed. Traditionally, the five functions of a manager comprised planning, organizing, staffing, leading and controlling. The challenge for us humbler beings down the pecking order is this: what do we contribute so that managers can actually do their jobs? More bluntly, do we let our managers manage and coach us? The truth is, people who seek coaching, want to get healthy and learn a new trick need to play an active part. Somehow, people seem to think that does not apply to our working life.
 
Sabotage by Employee Behavior
The point is corporate culture is indeed a top-down affair. In another blog I suggested organizations can spare themselves the trouble of going through a transformation unless the leadership is willing to transform itself as well. However, this does not mean employees have no role and no power over that culture. Let’s not kid ourselves, the refusal to participate in your corporate culture will shape that culture into one of disengagement driven by employees. Employees have a say in shaping their organization’s culture. To project all your company’s evils on its management does not help. It only allows employees to disengage. 
 
These are the things managers try to deal with on top of being expected to be coach, mental health leader, create a safe environment, etc. It goes both ways. They can be better managers if you accept your part of that relationship. Are you even prepared to be manageable and coachable? As a coach I am asking because “being coached” is a very active process and is hard work for the coachee.
 
Coaching Is Not Just An Executive Privilege
How can coaching help organizations develop realistic expectations so that managers can rely on their teams and the other way around? We have all heard about executive coaching. They are not the only ones who benefit from coaching. At crimalin, we believe everyone deserves a coach and our business model allows us to provide top level coaches at an affordable price to people who may not be funded by their organizations. 
 
Our group coaching sessions are designed to enable participants to understand what is going on beneath the surface and how this impacts their thinking and behavior. For example, how do you deal with a challenging manager? The concept of our business & career impact journey includes uncovering things to enable our coachees to make sense of what they really find challenging about a demanding manager and how this results in certain behavioral outcomes. One finding could mean you actually participate in creating a culture of disengagement in your organization because instead of making decisions about constructively finding a solution you have become cynical and blame everything on your manager. 
 
Take Control — And Be Accountable
You will not change your manager. However, you can decide to change your own behavior and develop a new narrative. This will open up the door for you to become part of the solution — and managers (or your manager’s managers) like solutions. So, don’t wait for your manager to change. Rather, discover the opportunities in your challenging situation at work and develop strategies to act and take advantage of them. 

The original article was first published in German on October 13, 2023 on crimalin.com.